


Heart Is Set In Stone

by centreoftheselights



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Gender Identity, Genderqueer Character, Home, Misgendering, Other, Supernatural Elements, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000, queer community
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-18
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-08 02:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3192155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/centreoftheselights/pseuds/centreoftheselights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Silas University was where the wild things are, where monsters roamed the halls and danger lurked around every corner.</p><p>LaFontaine had loved it ever since their very first step onto campus.</p><p>A story about LaFontaine coming into their own at Silas, and Perry dealing with the changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heart Is Set In Stone

**Author's Note:**

> This is playing off the themes in canon of LaFontaine's gender and their fascination with the supernatural causing friction with Perry.
> 
> I'm cis, so please let me know if I've messed up.
> 
> Title from 'Home' by Gabrielle Aplin.

Silas University was where the wild things are, where monsters roamed the halls and danger lurked around every corner.

LaFontaine had loved it ever since their very first step onto campus.

Back then, they hadn’t known, of course. They just knew that there was exactly one out-of-state college which had offered admission to both Lola and Susan, and that had been enough of a decision. They could cope with whatever Silas happened to be like, so long as it was _new_.

And man, was it new.

The library made screaming noises at midnight. The lunch lady growled at them across the counter. One of the professors would only teach classes before sunrise or after dark. And the alchemy club –

The alchemy club had asked for their “preferred pronouns.”

“What?”

“You know, do you use she, he, they, xe...”

 _Since when was that an option_?

“Uh...”

_Do I want it to be an option?_

“She, I guess.”

The alchemy club president nodded and moved onto the next freshman, and LaFontaine’s world span onto a new axis.

 

It wasn’t like they didn’t know there were... options. They’d known that since they were thirteen, and Lola had whispered to them at a sleepover that she thought Ellen in math class was cuter than any of the boys on the football team.

And yeah, they’d always been a tomboy. By high school, they’d been all but ready to cut their hair short and _dare_ the popular kids to call them a dyke, but they hadn’t. They couldn’t stomach the thought of the way Lola would flinch at the sound of the word.

Lola had always been easy to hurt. Not soft – never soft, especially not when there was an essay to write and _don’t you want to get a scholarship, Susan? Don’t you want to get out of this town?_ – but open, no defences between her and whatever the world threw at her. That’s why it was LaFontaine’s job to stand in the way.

 

It wasn’t always that easy though. Not when there were so many clubs to try, so many parties to go to – and they did try, dragging Perry to the QUILTBAG mixer in their third week. Only someone had spiked the punch with something quite combustible, and while they watched the flames, laughing with the rest of the alchemy club, Perry was tugging on their sleeve and asking to leave now, please.

So they went.

She’d made it back to her door room before crying, although LaFontaine knew she was about to before they’d taken three steps out the party. Her lips were drawn into a tight line, and she was blinking far too much, and when they closed the door and asked what was wrong, Lola sat on the bed and burst into tears.

“I miss home,” she said between sobs. “I miss mom and dad, and things being normal. I don’t know what’s going on here –”

“No-one does,” LaFontaine told her. “But I’ll find out, I promise. And when I know, I’ll tell you, and you can make it tidy up after itself.”

Lola snorted, the kind of noise she’d never make around anyone else.

“I don’t know how you do it,” she said. “How you got used to it all so quickly, when it’s so strange here.”

LaFontaine didn’t know how to say that it hadn’t taken any getting used to. Coming to Silas had felt like coming home.

“If you need me, I’m always here,” they said instead. “Always for you Perr, you know that.”

(They’d never been girlfriends, but LaFontaine loved Perry and Perry loved LaFontaine. That was just who they were.)

 

This year was supposed to be better. LaFontaine finally had the short hair they’d wanted since middle school, and Perry had her little kingdom to take care of, floor don in one of the all-girls (and LaFontaine) dorms. They knew about the weird now, had looked it in the eye and recognised it living inside them. Now they were armed, with words and Google searches and _knowledge_ , finally knowing who they were. Lola called them LaFontaine now. That was a good feeling.

Right up until she couldn’t handle it any more.

They’d hoped Perry would be used to it by now, all the mysteries and eccentricities Silas loved to throw at them, but she more seemed to try and ignore it, and when that didn’t work –

“Just be normal! I don’t even know who you are any more.”

It was everything they’d ever had nightmares about at 2 am, everything they’d tried to convince themselves that Perry, of everyone, would _never_ _say_.

But she had.

It hurt like being torn in two. They’d do anything for Lola, but they couldn’t change who they were, couldn’t rip the knowledge out of their head and go back to Susan-who-had-never-felt-right. Susan-who-didn’t-fit.

Susan who had never been real.

Fuck her. Fuck Perry for saying that Susan was her friend, and fuck Susan for being the girl Perry loved, the girl LaFontaine had never been.

They knew about the weird now, and they were ready to fight it, with flamethrowers and USB sticks and whatever other weapon came to hand. But they were fighting with a vampire at their shoulder, both watching Laura’s back, because if you wanted to fight the weird, you had to embrace the weird, had to know that _different_ didn’t mean _bad._ People were just people, whatever else they were, and people fought for the people they cared about.

No matter what the cost.

 

They don’t really talk about it until Christmas.

They’ve been avoiding Perry a little, hanging with J.P. instead and Perry hasn’t exactly sought them out. But there’s a moment, somewhere between the mountains and the mob and the diner, when Laura is looking homesick, and LaFontaine remembers that party, all those years ago.

“Do you miss home?”

Perry starts a little, and shakes her head. “Of course not, silly.”

“Couldn’t wait to get out of that town, huh?”

There’s a touch of sadness in Lola’s eyes that LaFontaine can’t place. They wonder if Lola has secrets, just like they do. They wonder when they stopped telling each other everything.

She looks around to check that the others are out of earshot before answering.

“I am home, LaFontaine. You’re here.”

LaFontaine blinks, and finds themselves trying not to cry.

“Yeah, well...” They smile. “Same here, you know.”

“Oh, well. Thank goodness for that.”

LaFontaine had always been at home with the weird. But they’d forgotten, somehow, that Lola had always known how to love the monsters.


End file.
